Scaredy Cat

So my cat ran away last night. Yes, Monsieur Buttons took off. We usually let him sit in this little enclosed porche area we have because he likes to watch outside. He's very much a housecat. Anytime he's been outside, he's been freaked out. So considering his fear of the great outdoors and the lack of opposable thumbs-- which I like to taunt him about-- we figured he was safe out there. Not so..

He actually managed to slide open the sliding doors. Well, one of the sliding doors. We went out there to check up on him-- we leave the heavy door to the house slightly ajar so he can nose his way back in when he's bored out there-- and we found the door open just wide enough for him to squeeze through. My mom and I did what any mother would do, we tried to bring him back with promises of treats. He loves his snacks. (He's getting a bit fat, I need to back off of them. My cousin thought he was pregnant.) So the entire neighborhood heard this last night: "Booboo! Booboo wants his nummies? Nummies, Booboo! Booboo wants nummies?" Yes, we're grown, intelligent, functioning women and we were screaming out innanities like that. It's embarrassing. But I wanted my kitty, dammit! I was nearly in tears. No sign of the Boo. The kids would have a shit fit the next morning, there'd be no way I'd get them to school, they'd cause a mini-riot and would be sent home...

Then the little brat came scampering up onto our deck. He was all fluffed out, playing one of his aggressive "I am man, hear me roar" games, bouncing back and forth like a prize boxer. I offer him a snack, he zips off. The little shit. I'm mad now. It's fucking cold outside and he's pulling this shit. My father comes home. He runs around outside looking for the cat. Can't find him either. We decide to leave the door open a bit, freezing our asses off, to see if he'll come back.

He does. Less than ten minutes later. And not for the snacks. He needed the potty. Only my cat doesn't seem to realize that the great outdoors is one big litterbox. The dork. I'm happy he's home.